Like I said in the last post, video games are pretty violent. So it should be little surprise that so many games involve war. I mean, 'war' and 'violence' go together like peanut butter and jelly, or peanut butter and jelly and bread. It so happens that most people only really know about fighting wars comes through media, including video games. But video games, like almost everything else ever, gets some things pretty wrong when it comes to how good men and women blast the living bejezzus out of each other.
1. Giant, bipedal robots would not be efficient at anything other than falling over. Hilariously.
The culprits: Metal Gear Solid series, Armored Core series, Front Mission series, every Mobile Suit Gundam game ever
Okay kids, let's talk. You best count your lucky stars that you can walk out of your house with falling over like a 1920s slapstick film. Humans aren't what anyone would call stable. You know how cats and dogs have four legs? And tails? Ever try pushing a dog over? It's pretty hard, because dogs are extremely balanced. Give your neighbor a push (note, I am not condoning that), and there's a good chance they'll land on the ground (maybe in a pile of dog poop if you're a comedy master). Humans are tall and top-heavy, and even other animals similar to us like chimpanzees and gorillas use their front arms to walk for stability.
Now, taking what we've just learned about humans and their nearly miraculous ability to not fall over in a stiff wind, let's apply that to a several ton bipedal robot made out of heavy metals and standing several stories high. Unless your plan is to have them fall en masse onto your enemies (which may be against the Hague convention but would make a damn good highlight reel), it would not be particularly practical. Even AT-ATs, which have the benefit of a pair of pair of legs can't stay up after a few passes of a Rebel tow cable.
2. Invading America would only end in tears. For everyone who isn't an American citizen.
The culprits: World in Conflict, Modern Warfare 2&3, Homefront
To the best of my knowledge, the United States of America has been invaded four times since the end of its revolution, the last being in the Second World War II when the Japanese invaded Alaska to try and cripple the American naval power in the Pacific. After that, when the whole 'Cold War' thing happened and America became the go-to superpower in the world, with an ever-present threat of those damn Commies sailing across the Atlantic on their boats made of Marx's manifesto.
But, when it comes to war, the United States is not a place that screws around even for a second. Seeing as the country accounts for almost half the military spending of the world (as in, the US spends half and then everyone else on the planet spends the rest). The United States is in the god-tier of military tournament characters, with one of the largest, best-trained, and most well-equipped military forces on the planet. Now, you astute observers of history will say "But D Marx, the American military lost a war against a bunch of crazy dudes in jungle, and couldn't win a war against two very poorly equipped Middle Eastern nations, getting into a quagmire in both situations against foes that really should've been finished in months if not weeks."
Which kind of then proves my point. Americans, by and large, love America. And most would not take even a little bit kindly to someone speaking a different language driving a bunch of tanks all over their front lawns. Considering how everyone in the history of mankind thinks that Americans are gun-crazy, it's likely that every major city in the US would, according to some guy I read on the internet, "a mini-Stalingrad." Not to mention the fact that not only would the United States armed forces (again, one of the most powerful armies in the history of the world) would be worrying about defending truth, justice, and the American way, but they'd also be jetting around the globe and beating the living daylights out of whoever's invading America. Bad.
3. Not everyone knows how to fly a helicopter, plane, or drive a tank.
The culprits: Almost every war game ever made, with few exceptions
As any person who's actually done any of these activities before can tell you, one does not simply walk into a tank and drive it towards a group of unfortunate enemy soldiers (cue outdated Boromir meme). Tanks are pretty complicated pieces of machinery, in case you hadn't noticed. It's not like driving a car or riding a bike (although I'm told once you learn how, you never forget). Tanks weigh a lot, are hard to move, oh, and don't forget, don't have wheels. Not to mention the fact that a modern tank has a crew of about four: one to drive the thing, two to work the main gun and other armaments, and one to coordinate everyone else. And this is all pretty specialized training that soldiers devote their entire careers to doing, along with all the maintenance and repair that goes into keeping a modern army rolling.
Same goes to aircraft, only much more so. Flying a helicopter or a plane, takes a lot of know-how, just like driving a tank, and very few people in their right minds would fly solo. There's a lot of information for a single person to process, which is why just about every modern aircraft is a tandem deal--a pilot to actually fly the plane, and a copliot (or whatever they're called, I certainly can't be bothered to look it up) to do just about everything else, including tracking targets, shooting at targets, and making sure that the pilot doesn't get them both killed to death.
4. Oh, and how about that sniping is a solo task, too?
The culprits: Pretty much any game that features a sniper rifle
Okay, I'll be the first to admit: sniper rifles are pretty cool. Rugged, accurate, deadly, what's not to love, right? The image of a lone sniper, watching over a ridge for enemy movements, picking off unfortunate stragglers of an enemy force is pretty ingrained in the social consciousness of war. And, in case you haven't figured this out by reading this article, it's pretty darn wrong. Almost every good sniper post-World War II operates in a two-soldier cell called a sniper team. Sniping is a pretty exact science--the targets a sniper needs to hit happen to be at a considerable distance, in which any number of things (wind, weather, distance, target movement, cover) can throw off a potential killshot. So, while a sniper is hard at work actually aiming at their target, his partner--called a spotter-- is worrying about just everything else, including making sure that the team isn't snuck up on and murdered to death. Oh, and a spotter does other cool stuff like call down artillery or perform surveillance on the enemy and report it back to HQ, and is also a damn fine marksmen himself, since spotters and snipers switch duties.
That's it for now guys. Thanks for your support as always, and keep up the good work...whatever it is.
--D Marx
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